Saturday, August 13, 2011


BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 questions you can copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break! Brought to us by Draz


1. I have to do some MAJOR cleaning tonight…which is prompting me to ask…what is the absolute worst thing you hate to clean or cleaning chore you hate the most? (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, toilets, floors, etc.)

I would have to say my least favorite thing is the oven. In fact, my daughter does it, and waits till I'm out of the house to do it. I don't know what I'm going to do when we get a duplex building and I have my own kitchen, I may have to pay someone....

2. Brown or Black? Fly or Drive? Hot dog or Burger? Gold or Silver?

I love black and brown both, but I'm hoping to love some other colors now that I'm going to be a size where they won't make me look like a large wad of chewing gum...

Hmmm.... do I have to be the one driving? If I get to go with V and he drives, road trips are fun. If we're talking me going somewhere, I think I'd rather fly. V and I have discussed getting an RV when we are old and grey and driving all over the South West. Perhaps I'm just indecisive.

Burger, especially bison burger.

Gold mostly, although I've been branching out into silver. This band journey thing is making me change. Sometimes I don't even know MY answers to Draz's questions.  Sometimes I totally freeze and by the time I can think about it again, its days too late for even me to post a BYOC. 

3. Repeat question: I'm going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them or even if a relationships exists – and you then try to describe that person in 5 short sentences/words.

Maternal Grandmother
Divorced back in the 30s so had to live with her mother
only adult in my life who loved me unconditionally when I was young
Used to get her picture taken in a camera store and then send them to me as post cards
Used to call me monkey face.
Died suddenly in 1984 and I'm still not over it.

4. Even if you don't have kids, how do you feel about kids in multiple sports during their school years? Were you in MULTIPLE sports all during school? Forced or by choice?

I never actually got to play on sports teams. Not that I wanted to. But my parents wouldn't have wanted me to do something that let me get out of the house, cost money, and meant they had to drive somewhere. I'm not being a drama queen, I had seriously stinky parents, especially my mother, and I no longer care who knows it.

My girls both did dance for a while, and when E was in high school she did capoeta, which is a martial art. J was all theatre all the time, which is not a sport, but I drove her all over the place for it until she got her license, and then I loaned her my car. Oh, except when J was in about 3rd grade she did Poms, which is like Cheerleading, and I took her to practices and went to all the games.  I've always hated sports or anything done in a team, except theatre,  so I'm afraid I didn't really encourage it when the kids were younger.  But if they had wanted it I would have worked to make it happen. 

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

I think I only blogged once this week. Life got away from me.

Life has been expanding this week. My boss was on vacation, which often guarantees a crazy, crazy week. Also, I saw my PCP for the first time since April or May and so she got to see all of my weight loss at once, so that was fun (I have blogged about my doc visit in an earlier post so I will refrain here).

I went out and was social with people, as well as going to the gym a lot, so I am tired, sore, and short on sleep. But happy. LOL. I was actually awake till midnight on Wednesday, which never happens to me. (First V and I went out with this huge group of people till almost 10, then we drove home and couldn't stop talking to each other. Him too, not just me. For realz.)  And I was funny and silly and people hugged me at this group we were at, and it was all good. It was not a group that knows me well, but the last time I saw most of them was also April, so many people noticed I seemed healthier. I'm still at a weight that I have been at several times this decade, so no one will think anything of it for another 10 or 20 pounds, I'm afraid... 

And I got an iPhone Friday afternoon, and I'm still learning how to use it.

In health, my weight stayed the same and I'm at times fearful that my band is too tight. I just got a scrip for a new tummy med from my doc because I'm experiencing some reflux. I've been coughing for about a week or so. I have a doc appt next week, supposed to be for a fill, but perhaps will be an unfill? I don't know. Haven't wanted to think too much about it. Been afraid I was imagining it.  I don't know if reflux means my band is too tight, or if its just that reflux runs in my family, and maybe the band didn't fix it like I thought it did.  Hmmm.  Questions for the nurse when I see her on Wednesday.  

Thanks for reading my crazy, of which I haz plenty. 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Too busy to blog?

Sorry I have been AWOL guys, my life has been crazy.   Today I am skipping morning gym since I am fighting off a cold.  I'm drinking EmergenC Immune stuff and hoping its all my imagination.

Anyway - I don't know who this woman is who gets up and goes to the gym at 6 AM to do the treadmill for half an hour... LOL.  Maybe I was replaced by an alien.   I'm actually exercising so much that my weight hasn't changed in over a week but I can fit into some smaller pants, a phenomenon I'd only ever read about.   I actually have a workout wardrobe. Did I mention that I am learning Zumba?  Who IS this woman?  Seriously, this has never been me before.

Never mind that, I've been having a social life too.  Even though work is so crazy and mind numbing that I don't wanna discuss it.  I've been going out after work and occasionally meeting friends for coffee before work.  And contacting more friends I haven't seen to schedule a get-together.  Hard to picture for this anti-social person.

Today is a big day for me, I may be getting my first iPhone.  I've been waiting for my corporate Blackberry so that I don't have to worry about learning to use the interface of the iPhone while I'm on call.  Plus I think a division of work and home sounds like a better plan, after a few years of trying it combined.  And I love the thought that the iPhone should backup using iTunes if I'm understanding this all correctly.  

So of course last night I had to get on iTunes and check out free apps.  I downloaded about 20 that I desperately need.  LOL.  Really, this thing is not a phone, its a small easily carried laptop.  If anyone is using a blog app please let me know, that might be fun.  But I am going to be testing diet tracker apps and all that.  So very exciting!  I have been a Blackberry gal for over a decade.

And BTW I am proud of myself - I have lasted through almost the whole week without whining about my bestie being on vacation and I've managed not to text her.  It's new for me to have a work bestie because I've been such a loner.  My boss has been on vacay this week too so I've been SO busy I can barely find time to pee, never mind take a break with anyone so I suppose its all for the best.  Sigh.

A couple of times this week I have hit over 12,000 steps on my fitbit.  The addition of the gym to my crazy days at work have given me new high numbers.  I am an exercise person.   I'm so totally amazed by the whole thing.  I actually miss my gym when its closed on Sundays.

I saw my doctor on Monday, my PCP, for the first time since before my surgery.  She was very pleased with everything.  And we talked about my liver stuff too and she was very comforting to me about it.  She said that sometimes morbidly obese people develop a non alcoholic, non contagious fatty liver.  If my cholesterol was high, my doc would have recommended I take a statin to improve things (so I'm glad its low because I am totally again statins, I think they are dangerous... ) But my cholesterol was 107!!!  My bad to good cholesterol ratio isn't as good as it could be, but since I've morphed into ExerciseGal she isn't worried about that.  So the best news was that my doc thinks that just by living this new healthier life I am living, my liver will get healthy as a side effect, no meds needed.  Wow.  

The contrast was painful and yet funny.  When I last saw my doc, it was in April or maybe May, and I couldn't catch my breath.  That was the visit when she proscribed my portable nebulizer so I could carry it with me.  I was wearing a pad because I was coughing so much I needed backup.  I had reflux so bad I couldn't eat anything with any spice at all.  I was miserable, actually, and at one point in our visit I think I was crying because I really felt like I was dying.  So this time, I'm talking away to her, and she asks about exercise, and I tell her about how I've already been to the gym in the morning and done half an hour treadmill and weight machines for my legs (I vary by day, legs and arms).  She looked at me funny, almost to see if I was serious.  Then I showed her my fitbit and explained how it works.  LOL.  This woman has been my doctor for over 10 years and I've never been this young and strong. My blood sugar was perfect, my blood pressure was normal, even though I drove in traffic to get to my appointment.  My vitamin levels on my blood tests were good.  I had healthy blood tests.  !!! :)

This week was my 2 month bandiversary on the 9th also, by the way.  And I have to say, the band has already done so much for me that its amazing.  Can't believe its only been 2 months. I am a whole new me, and I'm so grateful to be here.  My life is amazing.  A miracle. A blessing.   I'm so glad I got a band.  When I think of how I might have made a different choice, ah well don't even think about it!!!!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Joined a new gym

So, after several weeks of mostly getting to the rec center on the weekends, I realized that a 20 minute each way drive in the morning wasn't going to work for me.   I've given in and joined a gym less than a mile from my apartment building.  It's just for women.  I'm excited because it has zumba and other classes as well as the machines and weights, which I want.  I went last night and did legs.  Tonight I meet with someone to do arms.  And my calendar has a zumba class on it for Saturday!  I have a gym bag packed ready to take to the car when I leave this morning.

I can't believe its me who is saying this stuff.  And happy about it.  

I know I haven't blogged much lately.   There's something going on in my personal life that doesn't need airing in blogland, especially since my identity isn't hidden all that well.  Everything will be fine, though, no worries.  Sorry to be so mysterious, but I'm hoping that if I blog about my not blogging, then I'll blog again.

I'm feeling really good after my fill.  The usual side effects of gas and re-learning when my tummy is full is still with me, but I feel good.  Strong.  Healthy.  Happy.

If my tummy would stop gurgling already!  This time I'm going to keep track of how long it takes for the gas to subside.  I'm still having it today, Friday, but the fill was only Wednesday morning.

Have a good day, all, and I hope to make time to BYOC and also more about stress relief that doesn't involve food, this weekend.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

2nd fill today!

I got a little less than 1 cc today for my second fill.  It was much less of a big deal than the enormous first fill!  I felt much less car sick too.  Although I'm having about the same trouble eating much of anything.  Actually I didn't do badly - I've had a protein shake, some tomato soup, and some soft fruit.

I joined a gym closer to my house last night.  Tomorrow I go in and get my personalized machine and weights program.  It's a gym just for women, a couple of minutes from my house, and they have zumba so I'm really excited!

Work has been very stressful, and this week has been about de-stressing without food. I am learning about how to do that!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Things get better slowly...

Of course, the outside circumstances haven't changed.  Much.  It's me that's starting to find my equilibrium again.  To remember all my positive thinking stuff and to be a cork, rising above the waves, as is my wont.

Work is still all riled up and crazy.  My boss has an all day meeting today so he won't be around to help at all (he's a combination supervisor/other technician so its a weird position).  People on staff are still riled up over things like people leaving, vacation requests and who is going when.  Since I need to hang on to my vacation, I don't really have any issues.  My boss is taking a week fairly soon, but he often does.  Not really a problem for me.   I've started to remember that I like my job, and feeling better is probably part of that.

I definitely have PMS though, I was very bad and got up and raided the kitchen baking supplies and ate some chocolate chips.   I'll have to speak to my daughter about putting those where I won't know their location.  Luckily, in my 1 AM bad eating decision, I melted them over some dried fruit, so at least they won't cause a total digestive problem.  Sigh.  I used to do things like that pre-banding.  I need to acknowledge that I still have to change my brain, and find other things to do to relieve stress than eat.  Otherwise, the stress builds.

I've also put my scale in my bathroom cupboard.  I'll take it out again for my Sunday weighing for the Boobs Challenge.  It's boring seeing the same weight day after day, and my weight loss has slowed.  Besides, I know that part is working and I need to work on other stuff, like when I will actually go to the gym, and making time for meditation.  I can't believe I'm saying that about the scale, BTW, but its true.

OK, off to pack my lunch and snacks.   I really need to get a smaller lunch box.  Am seriously considering getting something childsize...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I confess...

I am having a less than stellar week.  There has been a lot of stress.  And I haven't been to the gym since Sunday.  I know I have been logging a lot of steps on my fitbit, but that doesn't make up for a really good half hour of exercise.  And of course I haven't done the machines.  Sigh.

If I keep being unable to leave the house at oh dark thirty, then... I will have to work out after work.

Of course, I had the day from heck on Monday.  So yesterday my stomach was so bad I thought I needed an unfill.  I called and talked to my totally awesome fill nurse who suggested I have a soft foods day considering the stress on Monday and the fact that I could, in fact, be having PMS.  (I'm perimenopausal, so its hard to tell, but I had my last period 38 days ago so... )  I think my tummy is doing better this morning - no nausea, just that tight morning feeling... I have a softish lunch and some snacks, and then by dinner I should be ready for some other foods.

I confess that I don't know, really, how to have an exercise program that works for me.  I've never done it (and no, I don't want a personal trainer.  signing up to get one is usually what makes me resign from whatever gym I belong to).   But I will figure this out.  I'm going to make appointments for myself on my calendar.  Maybe early morning just isn't reasonable right now.  I'm having so much trouble sleeping.  I don't need to be perfectionistic either.  No one said I have to do it every day.  5 days a week of a half an hour of sweating, that's all.  I can do this!

I confess that I keep running across blogs and threads where people denigrate WLS and its pissing me off, and today I wrote polite factual comments to several people who probably don't give a cr*p about reality.  But I'm tired of hearing that with a lapband you don't have to work at it.   This is work!

I confess that I am having a week where I wish no one knew about the surgery.  Even the supportive people. Maybe I am having PMS.  I'm grouchy!

I confess that certain people at my office are annoying me, and I'm dragging my feet about going to work because of it.  I was late yesterday.

I confess that now, since its time to shower, dress, and go to work, I suddenly want to go to the gym.

ok I'm done now.  Time for a shower.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Monday Morning

Having decided that I wasn't going to the gym this morning (V is here, and also my legs hurt from the weekend's workouts!) I woke up at 5:30 without any alarm. Good to know this regimen has a chance of success.

I had a good weekend.  Saturday I went to the rec center and got a workout machine orientation (that lasted an hour and a half) and then walked my mile. Then home for a shower and a quick lunch and off to get a massage.  Sunday I was pretty achey and tired, but eventually I got up and worked out, did laundry, grocery shopping, and made a trip to storage to retrieve some clothes I hadn't thought I'd need yet, but I do.

Going through the boxes was very rewarding and I believe I have some work pants that will fit. (Prior to the storage run I had one pair I was still willing to wear to work in the summer.)  Plus I have the size 20 pants suits that should fit this fall.  This is very exciting;  I got them at ARC with labels still on them for $7 and $9 respectively.  They didn't fit but I couldn't leave them behind.  I was in WW at the time and I never got to wear the pants - I used to wear the jackets occasionally before I hit my pre-surg weight and couldn't move my arms in them anymore.   So I guess in a way they are a symbol of a slimmer me.... and if things keep progressing as they have been, September isn't too far a reach for them finally fitting.

I had several NSV this weekend.  For one, my daughter told me that you could see that I've lost weight.  From a 22 year old daughter, high praise indeed.  !!  And the other is that yesterday I worked out in my famous 24 hour fitness workout outfit.  I'll take a picture later this week when I wear it again.  They are a size XL.  Granted, they are spandex and stretchy, but still!!  I suddenly realized that I'm down to the weight range I was in when I did a crazy low calorie kind of Atkins.  That diet made me feel cranky and tired, and a bit weak.  But I feel healthy and strong, and I'm still that weight.  Wildness. That's one of the reasons I made the pilgrimage to storage for my boxes.

Tonight, if I can get out of work on time, I'm going to boogie down to Rose Medical and go to the support group for the second time.  Tonight is the banded support group.  I went last month and there were about 4 people there.  They were all depressing and I felt like I talked too much.  I get more support and sharing reading the blogs.  But I am trying it again.  Some face to face contact might be a good thing.  We'll see...and we'll see how work is too.  I have planned out my food so that I can have a protein bar whilst driving to this thing, which is the only way the timing will work for me.

I'm still working on my food plan.  If there's anyone following me whose doc has them on 5 -6 small meals a day, no white carbs, I'd love to compare menus and see about some new ideas...I'm working on diversifying my food to make sure I don't get bored!

Saturday, July 23, 2011


It's Saturday so that means I'm catching up with everyone else who participates in BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil ! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!!

1. Alright – forgive me – we’re gonna get a little personal here. I was flipping through my organizer and saw in big bright letters “ANNUAL PHYSICAL DUE” coming up soon. Then I remembered that last year my lady bits doc said that since I haven’t had a bad pap in so many years – that I don’t have to come back for another 3 years if I don’t want to.What the what? Did you guys know that?   No speculum in the vaginulum? Anywhoozle – it sounds all good but really – do any of you follow this medical rule? Do you go every three years if you’ve never had a bad pap?

I think I have been getting them every year still, I don't remember.  I go to my doc for a checkup every year around my birthday and she usually tells me what we're gonna do.  But then again, I had an abnormal after daughter #1 was born – so a little more than 20 years ago.  Also I could swear she told me after I passed my most recent age milestone that it was every 2 years now.   With all the recent medical tests I've had lately I don't remember....

2. If you read, what are you reading right now? Or how about what is your fave music right now?

I read all the time.  Srsly.  I just finished re-reading the Sharon Shinn “Mystic and Rider” books because she came out with book #5.  I am re-reading all the Kerry Greenwood “Phryne Fisher” books because I've read them all and she hasn't come out with another one yet.  And recently I decided that I need to re-read the Amelia Peabody books (Elizabeth Peters) in order because the first one came out over 30 years ago and I've been reading them as they were published.  For inspiration, I've just started reading “Quantum Success” by Sandra Ann Taylor and “The Beck Diet Solution” by Judith Beck, but since they are non-fiction I read a few pages and then put it away to think about what it said.   Oh yes, and if you don't read the “Dies the Fire” series by S.M. Stirling you may not be as excited as I am that a new one is coming out this fall.  Now you are wondering - do I commute by bus, and yes I do.  LOL.

I don't listen to a ton a music these days.  I have a bunch of oldies on my iPod in case of noisy bus people.  And I have some exercise audio tapes I've been walking to but they are instrumental.  I should probably put on Pandora when I'm cleaning this weekend and see what pops up.

3. Name some of your favorite smells.

Valor Essential Oil by Young Living; Grapefruit; Cucumber Mint; Vanilla.  Oh and when cooking, the smell of the garlic and onions in the olive oil, maybe with a little fennel and some fresh basil....

4. Showers or baths? Shampoo only or shampoo & conditioner? Shave daily or just when you start feeling and looking like an ape?

Let's see – I love baths but don't particularly like the bathtub in my apartment.  And until my weight loss surgery I was having trouble scrubbing it enough to want to sit down.  I'm getting a bit more limber now so maybe I'll have a few more baths.  I have a lovely hand shower attachment with different water pressures to keep all the parts of me clean when I shower though.  I shampoo and use conditioner every day, although my hair is getting longer.... but I have been cleaning it every day for a long time, it would be weird to have it long enough that it would look good without that.   I usually shave my legs once or twice a week, usually the 2 days a week I get to see V.  He's so appreciative of such things, it makes it a pleasure...

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

Work was very hectic – again.  New people started and some other people left to go back to school.  Also, one of the secretaries gave her notice and everyone is all crazed about it.  It's funny to watch them, torn between wanting to snub her, and ask if they have any other openings where she's going.  I'm going to miss her, I liked working with her, so I'm just a bit sad.

I got my first band fill on Wednesday – she put 6 cc in my previously empty band.  Apparently my band holds 14 cc but darn that was a strange feeling!  That was Wednesday morning.  We had a 7 AM nutrition class (mandatory before the first fill) and then the fill.  And then on to the office, oh joy, since my band doesn't like to ride in the car after a procedure.  I wasn't actually car sick but I felt pretty odd.  Most of Wednesday I didn't feel so good but by the next day I was fine.  Although it has affected my digestion and I'm waiting for that effect to... pass... LOL.  I've released more weight and I feel good about that.  More clothes are fitting now, in fact I'm hoping to get over to storage and snag some clothes boxes this weekend.

My A/C got fixed on Tuesday also so I'm starting to feel human again.  Also Thursday was 6 weeks since my surgery so I am released from all lifting pushing and pulling restrictions.  I have to go to the rec center and sign up to learn how to use those machines now.  LOL.  I'm excited about it.  I have located some of my old exercise clothes and they fit, so this is a good thing.  I'm supposed to exercise 30 minutes 5 days a week (getting the heart rate up) so we'll see what I can do.  Using the pedometer has helped me to understand that I'm more active than I thought, but I don't walk fast.  And she wants fast walking.  So we'll see.  I'm certainly excited to work on this.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Day after first filling

I just wanted to note, for those following and also myself, that the day after the band adjustment I was fine, and able to eat solid food, and felt great.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I've Been Filled....

So today at 7 AM was the first fill nutrition class and then around 8:30 AM I had my first fill.  I'm a bit achey still and have been on fluids only since the fill.   Supposedly I could have softs tonight and solids tomorrow but I think its going to be like the surgery, where I take just a little more time than other folks.  I plan to have softs tomorrow during the day and then tomorrow dinner I will try some solid food.  Unless I magically feel better tomorrow afternoon.

She gave me 6 cc's into my previously empty 14 cc band.   It's no wonder I feel a bit... wonky.  It was an odd experience.  Really a lot like having blood taken.  No where as nasty as either of my IV's.  So I'm happy with that.  I have appointments every 2 weeks for about 6 weeks for smaller fills as we adjust the band, and that will take me to my 3 month bandiversary.  Wildness.

So... as of tomorrow I am cleared for lifting.  I am cleared for massages.  I am cleared for doing the machines at the rec center.  So I have to call and make appointments!  I have a class to take on the machines, and a massage to schedule!  <evil laugh>

Meantime, I had a little less than 1/2 cup of tomato soup tonight and I'm about to sit with a heating pad on my band, which doesn't like the jostling of the car when newly filled, apparently.  I'm excited though - the "real" bandster life lies ahead.

I was explaining to a friend of mine that what the first 6 weeks did for me, weigh-wise, was just put me back to the weight that has been my weight the most often in the last 20 years.  Size 24 and about 240 pounds.   So now that the 22s are starting to fit, I'm starting to feel a little excited about that.  Before that, it was just a restoration to me-that-was...

Let the good times begin.  I shall become someone who actually GOES to the gym, not just pays for it.  LOL.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Where I have been - what's happenin'!

I really need my fill.  Wednesday, I just have to make it to Wednesday.   I'm watching my calories, experiencing bandster hell, PMS, and broken air conditioning together.  

I'm doing OK - I have gone to work all week so I have been comfortable in the middle of the day.  Of course now it is the weekend, and they have decided that our apartment AC is dead and have ordered a replacement unit.  However, no one is getting back to me with an ETA.  I'm really not currently impressed with this building management team.  I feel that this second year, they have been lacking in caring and follow through.

And of course PMS... I'm in perimenopause and so the cycle is a little erratic.  I theoretically should be OTR any day now, but these days who knows... I have been tracking my cycle on line for about 7 years.  It is erratic now.  For sure.  But I notice I'm a bit...crabby, and craving chocolate protein bars and things more.  I'm dealing with it.  I'm also really tired and not sleeping well.  Sigh.

I'm not staying full as long, so I'm working with that.  More water!  Oh I should go fill my bottle again.  I'm having more fiber and adding more veggies and fruits where I can to have more bulk with less calories but its not a fun feeling. 

On the positive side, my Quest bars arrived in the mail (I had made my own sample pack by ordering individual bars of the flavors I wanted top try).  I have tried vanilla and chocolate.  They taste good and also pack quite a wallop of fiber!  They are sticky and sweet - probably not something V would enjoy, but I'm a sweets person.

I took V out as part of his birthday month celebration last night.  We went to dinner at Chey Thuy, a place we used to go when our lives were more Boulder-based.  I brought a padded lunch bag, plastic containers, and a bunch of blue ice, and I have some leftovers, which I'm having for lunch today.  We ordered only 2 appetizers, that was our dinner.  One of them was a plate of mussels (V's favorite - he ate them all, I had a taste of one) and an order of grilled lamb that comes with rice noodles and fresh veggies.  Today's lunch for me will be some grilled lamb and probably cucumbers.  After dinner, we went to a Planetarium show over at Fiske.  Fiske Planetarium is on the CU Boulder campus, and the talks are given by grad students and sometimes professors for the most part.  We went to an hour about black holes, and it was pretty good.

The other thing that has been going on this week is that my liver biopsy came back, and it wasn't the best result I could have hoped for.  I haven't wanted to talk about it.  I saw the specialist on Tuesday, and then I had a battery of tests and never made it back to work that afternoon at all.   My impression is that the liver specialist finds it confusing that I am so healthy when the biopsy result should belong to a much sicker person.  My surgeon recommended him as one of the best around, so its not that he isn't on top of liver ailments or anything, this guy is good.   Anyway - so we are running a bunch of tests, and as long as they still show the healthy person I am, then they will get a second opinion on the biopsy.  Which doesn't involve more surgery, they have tissue left from the biopsy that was done with my banding.  They will fedex it to a different lab - one my specialist considers a "better" lab, and they will re do the test. I feel as though its going to be fine, and then I have other moments when I'm just scared. 

There's a lot else that has been occurring - last weekend, I got caught driving in a hail storm and my car and I got swamped in an enormous puddle.  I didn't know if I was going to make it through.  Then on Sunday my therapist was ill - I've been seeing her, both for my lapband journey and because of some post traumatic stress over weather driving.  So all week I've had a little trouble driving again.  Tomorrow, I should be having an EMDR session with her about what happened, and then I will feel better.  

All sorts of emotions are coming up from the past for me.  I couldn't do last week's BYOC because the questions triggered some old emotional scars and it would have been a bitter venting of stuff that I hardly ever think about.  I haven't looked at yesterday's yet - I went over to Draz's blog to see how she was doing and read about her worries about Rambo.  And then of course I felt like all my complaints were so petty!  But this morning I woke up and remembered that its not a comparison.  My journey is my journey.  And I need to blog about it, blogging is a wonderful thing for me to do.   When I have blogged, I can release it and go on with my life.  

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lap Band Gal asked:

Question for you: How do you overcome your occasional unhealthy food choices or lack of exercise behaviors?  How do you get your brain in the right place to be successful?  I want to know.

I was fascinated.  This whole month I have been eating better than in years.  Until I read her post, I would have said it was the lapband that gave me the strength to be successful.  But she has one herself, so maybe that's not it.   And its not, you know?  The lapband is one of the tools that I am using to be successful.  The lapband evened the playing field for me - I don't seem to have excess insulin triggering me to eat excess sugar anymore.  My blood sugar is normal.  My GERD is gone.  I am just an ordinary fat woman now, when it comes to my blood chemistry and such.  I can get full.  I can breathe.  I can walk the track.  I can release this weight.

"Knowledge Does Not Yield Behavior" - you aren't kidding!  Most fat people could write a diet book!  Or two....

So why am I doing all this?  That's the question, right?  Why am I not having ice cream for dinner?  Why am I having protein bars instead of candy bars?  Why am I wearing my fitbit?

I think I hit bottom, really.  I got so that my life was so painful that I can't imagine going back to living that way.   It's still very immediate and real to me, in the second month of banding.  The big jump down the scale is gone, and now it seems to be creep, creep as I wait for my first fill appointment.  I have clothes in my closet that are too small, that I want to wear again.

And then there's the rest of the question, what do you do when you've had an unhealthy behavior?  I've had some of those this month too.  It's certainly not been a perfect month.  More like a month of finding out that some things don't change for me.  If there's a piece of pie in the fridge that's going to be mine, I will still get up in the middle of the night and eat it.  I didn't eat most of the crust, but I did eat it at something like one in the morning of the night after V and I went to Village Inn and they gave us free slices of pie to go.  Next time,  he needs to take it with him, or I need to not bring it home.  

The big thing for me is not to beat myself up for eating.  not to feel like I immediately have to "confess" some sort of "sin".  That mind set will not serve me well.  The next time we were in Village Inn, though, I told V about the pie incident since he is my support system.  And it wasn't free pie day so I didn't have to figure out what to do.  It wasn't confession, it was conversation.  Owning.  Saying what I would rather have happen next time.

They do say that compulsive eating is 10% eating, 90% beating the cr*p out of yourself in internal conversation....hating yourself.  Saying things to yourself that you would never dream of saying to your best friend.  Because that's what I need to be, my own bestie, standing up for Miri no matter what she does...

I've been trying not to wonder what you use for motivation once you hit goal.  The last time I hit a GOAL (a really good weight) was so long ago, and I was probably at my goal weight for about 5 minutes.  I'm hoping that this time the improved health, the great clothes, the support of the BOOBS, the fact that I'm out here on the internet, will help me to be motivated to stay slender and healthy.  Right now, that's so far away, I can't even imagine that.  I am imagining, instead, wearing a dress that will fit me when I am 10 or 15 pounds lighter.  It's sitting in my closet and smiling at me.  I can remember wearing that dress a few years ago.  I know that feeling, and I can almost taste it.

And of course, this time around I have the Law of Attraction  on my side.  The more you think and feel it, the closer it comes.  I can do this because my mind is able to wrap around it, 10 pounds at a time.  I can use the technology to make me better, stronger, than I was before.  I can use EFT to exorcise the ghosts of my childhood, of my young adulthood, of my married life, of my mistakes.  I can use the fitbit to show myself how strong I am, and never mind all the gym classes where I didn't get picked for the team and the teacher, as well as the kids, made fun of me.  I can get full, and I can I eat my food and then stop, and think about something besides food! 

Why do I want to do it?  I want to be able to dance again, to go square-dancing for a whole night and dance every tip, not to be red in the face and whooping for breath.  I want to have great dance clothes to wear and to be able to wear a heeled shoe for the round dancing... I want to go for more walks, maybe even hikes with V.  I want to go back to Mesa Verde and go on the hiking trails, the ones neither of us dared sign up for last time.   I want to be able to perch with my hip on a table or a counter without worrying about a creaking or cracking noise... I want to be able to bring a small low beach chair (weight limit 200) !  Heck, I want to be able to put on my right sock and shoe without having to sit on the bed! 

You might ask, so, Miri, why couldn't you do these things before the magic belt?  And I will tell you, before my band, I felt like I was starving all the time.  I didn't care about anything except getting some food to take that ache away, to not be starving for 10 minutes if I was lucky.  The pain of the hunger was so bad, I didn't care.   And I couldn't get my breath, I had no energy.  I would go to work and then come home and watch TV.  Walk around, what, are you nuts? 

It was so funny - today, I went to someone's desk to fix some software.  She used that opportunity to get herself more coffee and come back to her desk with little cheesecakes or something.  I guess they were in the break room.  In the old days I would have had to go there and see if there were any left, and if there weren't, I would have had to go down to the little store for something.  Gosh, I wasn't even interested.  I was full from my breakfast and I just wanted to adjust the software and go on to the next person who was paging me.  It was wild, wild!  Oh and I wanted to walk the long way around to the next person, since it wasn't urgent and that way I could have more steps.  I wondered for a moment if I'd been replaced by an alien or a pod person, but I still seem to be me.  Only better. 

I realize I'm still in my honeymoon phase.  Gosh I hope this lasts forever.  But it probably won't, which is why I'm blogging.  When I have forgotten why I am doing this, why walking the track is better than chocolate cake,  I hope I will come back here and read my own answers.  Because I always wanted this, I just couldn't physically do it.  The band has fixed something that was wrong with me.  The stomach/brain/blood/nerve connection is different. 

I think it helps that I work to make every meal something that tastes good, even if its 2 bites big.  I'm buying things that I want - more exotic flavors of Greek yogurt, different spice blends, really delicious protein bars, flavorings for my water bottle.  Everything I eat tastes really good.   I used to eat whatever was around, even if I'd take a bite and didn't really like it.  I wouldn't eat rotten food.  But I would eat junk.  Things made out of things I can't pronounce.  And way too much food, so my tummy would hurt, because the pain of hunger would go away for a bit.

I had to laugh the other night - I got up and I chose to eat something in the middle of the night, and what I had was a bowl (small, I don't eat out of large bowls anymore) of 2% milk and Special K cereal.  Now granted, I wasn't supposed to have it, and I had to add it to my calories.   But really,  I used to eat 10 cookies and a huge bowl of ice cream.  But there isn't any.  Seriously.  Special K.  Somewhere there's a Hostess bakery screaming in pain.  And yes, I ate in the night and I didn't yell at myself about it.  Just added it to the list of things I ate that day! 

I wrap my mind around success because you folks out there in internet land have done this, have gotten on board.  The people in my doctor's office who you would never guess had a band and were fat, they have done it.  Lots of people have done it.  It's totally possible.  I wrap my mind around success, looking at the before and after pictures, knowing I am still a before, or at least a during, and panting to be an after!  

 And the last part of it for me, I guess, is that this isn't one more diet, one more gym that I am joining.  This is my life, and there isn't any failure because the journey is it.  There isn't really a destination.  Because when I'm at goal weight the journey will be about maintenance.  And about continuing to remember why.  But even when I slip and fall it won't matter because there is no blowing it.  My surgeon will never discharge me, I will be his patient for the rest of my life.  He never discharges patients.  His support groups are always free.  There is always a month with a Back to Basics class in it, and in fact I'm scheduled for my first Back to Basics in about 2 months from now.

Does this commitment to a group of people scare my Aquarian soul?  Who, me?  There's a reason I have no tattoos (and not just because I don't like how they look).  Yeah, it feels weird.  Like I've joined a new family.  Family hasn't been the greatest and most permanent word in my life.  Although now I have my sister and my kids, and they are my family.  And V and I are pretty steady, I don't worry anymore about if we will stay together.... so at 50, maybe I'm ready to be a part of this elite group of banditas.  Forever.  Or at least in this life.

Abraham says, "You can never get it wrong.  You can never get it done."   I think nowhere is that truer for me than this journey, this never ending journey from aches and pains into ability and delight. 

The real true me:

Monday Morning Ramblings

Good morning everyone!  As soon as I woke up, I knew... knew that I had been at Vince's over the weekend since my A/C is waiting for the repair guy and I didn't weight myself for the BOOBS challenge.   So I hopped right up and weighed, and emailed Gillian.  I think I'm down 0.2 since last week.  No matter.   Down is down.

Anyway, this time for me is about learning how to live with the band, not really about the challenge at all.  I'm part of it because I feel the sense of community by participating in a part of BOOBS, even though I'm not going to the get together this time. 

It's all good.   I had a quiet weekend, and I didn't walk as many steps as I'd hoped.  In face, yesterday was the first day since getting the fitbit that I walked under 6000.  Fairly impressive for this formerly sedentary gal! 

I also ate a little too much yesterday - not that I upset my band, but I had an extra snack that was calorie heavy.  This kind of makes me giggle, because yes, I had about 1795 calories yesterday.  But we are talking about the woman who used to eat a minimum of 2400 calories on a day where she had hardly walked at all.  More like 3000 calories on a usual day.   So, I'm still fine.  I still burned more calories than I ate.  And its a new week, so away we go! 

Tomorrow, well tomorrow will be stressful;  I'm seeing that specialist about the liver biopsy and I don't know what he will tell me.  Also first thing in the morning I'm having tea with a friend I haven't seen since before the surgery.  Two stressful things.  Hopefully both good stress!! 

I have made no headway on naming my band.  Although I got my fitbit so soon after my band that I'm just tempted to call them the twins.  I'm not the best at picking names for things like stuffed animals, dolls, and other inanimate objects.

I have another week (well 9 days) till my fill class and first fill.  I'm working on things.  This isn't a diet, it isn't just a plan, it's my life.  It feels different.   I am committed to my life.

I'm still amazed at how much healthier I feel than 5 weeks ago!  Woot!!

BTW I am on Twitter as MiriBanded.  If you are someone who tweets, let me know!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A New Month

I'm not writing much this weekend because a) the a/c is out so I have stayed at V's and b)now that I am back home there is a thunderstorm and I'm always worried about my computers.

But I just wanted to say that yesterday I had my band for a whole month, and I'm really happy.  I think it's the best thing I've done for myself so far ever in my life.

Talk to you guys later this week!!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Veggies! and Water!!!

I'm doing better today.  I realized by yesterday evening that I was still doing the soft food diet protein percentage (90%) and so I wasn't able to eat my veggies.  In fact, sometimes I was just having meat and not even trying to have veggies or fruit.  So no wonder I have been feeling totally blah.

Anyway, today I have had veggies.  and I will probably have fruit before bed.  I think it is helping with the fullness since the veggies seem to expand after they get in there... I am eating slowly and listening for the soft stop, as the fairy bandmother told me in her book. 

My calories are staying between 1200 and 1400, and according to my fitbit I am burning over 2000 every day.  I have been keeping my steps up.  Last night, after work, I had only walked 6000 steps, so I invited V to go on a walk with me before dinner.  (I gave him that choice of that, or I could go to the rec center.  He chose the walk.  Good man. )  We walked about 3000 steps, which is a kick-*$$ walk for me, let me tell you!  It was fun too, we walked in an open space park near my house. I was doing great until I saw a sign like this: 

I was fine till I saw the sign... 

No, it's not the exact sign, I didn't stop long enough to take a picture.  I saw the sign and was suddenly ready to walk at a good pace all the way back to the car.  Didn't need a rest, not me!  Of course it was bright daylight and we were talking so we probably weren't in any danger but.... yikes!   I was brought up on the east coast, where we dun keeled off all the varmints long time ago...

I love Colorado though, really.  The mountain views in particular!   I don't miss back east, just every once in a while the differences in life out here give me pause...

I didn't go to the rec center again today.  But I walked over 8000 steps so that is going to have to be good enough.  I went to the store and then I thought I was going to have to log into work, so I'm already comfortable! 

Anyway I wanted to thank y'all for the words of encouragement I got about Bandster Hell.  I think I am getting into that stage.  It's almost encouraging (when I'm not worrying about how much I feel like eating) because it means I'm healing!  But I'm just showing up and working it... 5/6 small meals, no sugar, no floury carbs, drink my water separate from my meals, walk walk walk.... very different than my life was just over a month ago.   Very very different.  Protein bars instead of Hostess when I have a craving. 

I can do this, which is so weird.  But really good.  

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Something's a bit off....need a fill maybe?

At this time - 2 weeks from today -  I will be almost to Rose Hospital for my fill class.  I'm having some problems related to being ready for that now, I think.  I can eat more food than I was expecting to.  It's disconcerting and upsetting. And I seem to still be not getting the amount of water I wish to be. Unfortunately, plain water takes nasty, I'm hungry and having trouble with the drinking/not drinking, and I want that curiously full feeling back.   Hah!  Well, you can see that I need a fill.  

On the positive side, this means that I'm healing from the surgery.  I have 2 weeks till they lift the lifting restriction, and I can start to work out... walking more and feeling better is starting to feel "normal".  I've stopping carrying 2 pounds of nebulizer everywhere I go and switched back to the emergency inhaler which is tiny and doesn't mark me as a sick person. 

Today I'm going to concentrate on getting the water I need (in between going to work and seeing V of course).  And getting more fiber.   Which I'm just not going to explain, fill in that blank for yourself! 

I'm working hard on not feeling sorry for myself.   I'm counting my blessings.  Including being grateful for being a daily weigher, or I would have missed the 2 days this week that I had lost 20 pounds.  This time last week I was .4 less than I am now, so if I were a Wednesday weigher I wouldn't understand what was happening.   I'm still feeling bummed.  But some of it is just that I haven't been drinking water.  And I feel so good compared to a month ago!  This is not a time to give up, go back to old habits, this is a time to push forward and know it takes patience.  Anything else is just some inner gremlin trying to have his way with me.   So here I am, drinking my water and having my breakfast shake and then I'm going to go and pack my food for work.  Life is excellent, and if I don't realize it, I'll have to make myself carry the nebulizer - maybe even stop to use it - just to remind me, for goodness sake!

Inner Gremlin

Just needed a small pep talk.  It's been so much fun to be in that honeymoon phase, to have the weight just fall off like that, to feel like the world was mine.  It will be again.  I have to remember that the doctor's office has only registered a 13 pound loss and that all they asked is that I try and keep that off before my first fill.  And they thought I was doing fine.  So.... all else is just smoke and mirrors, my girl. 

I'm going to get out there and do my day now. 

Monday, July 4, 2011

Deciding things for myself

So the dietician for my doc's practice is totally against protein shakes once you have started solid foods.  I have to say,  sometimes one has to decide things for oneself.  

What I have discovered for me, is that first thing in the morning is a great time for protein shake.  I awake, and my band is tight.  I am supposed to have something within the first hour of awakening.  When I wake up, I'm usually dehydrated.  I have a horrible taste in my mouth many mornings from the Lunesta, and a dry mouth from the post nasal drip (allergies!).  The last thing I want to do is try and eat something and then not be able to drink anything for an hour.  And, in fact, I can tell you that the days I try and eat a breakfast are the days I don't make my water intake. If I don't get that first 24 ounces in, I usually get less than 48 ounces for the day.

When I have a shake for breakfast - 8 to 12 ounces of almond milk, and a scoop of 100% Gold Whey - I not only get a jump on my liquids, I don't have trouble getting to my protein goals either.  And I'm not nauseous by the time I'm done.   I drink a 24 ounce bottle of water also, as I get ready for my day, and sometimes I have a hot decaf tea first, and I don't have to worry about  the timing of the liquids and meals while I'm also trying to get out the door to work.    I don't find that I get hungry too soon, either.  I usually feel a pinch of hunger at work around 9:30, which is great because it reminds me to stop drinking my water so that I can have my scheduled morning snack at 10 AM (I'm on the 5 to 6 small meals plan). 

I know, some people may be wondering why I'm writing my justifications into my blog.  It's because I'm someone who follows the rules.  And because I have a lot of respect for my dietician, and so it has been hard to do something she told me specifically NOT to do.  This is one of those difficult growth things for me, and however humorous my other posts, this one is very serious.  It's hard for me to do something for myself like this. 

I suspect that I am not the only one on this journey who has trouble breaking out there and doing for herself.  And I reserve the right to change my mind if this changes for me.  But for now I have ordered more protein powder from Amazon, and let them give me the discount that comes with the automatic refill orders. 

The first day I decided to go back to a shake in the morning I got 92 ounces of water in for the first time since starting to eat food, even soft foods.  And yesterday - when the strawberries J had bought tempted me, and so I had Greek yogurt and strawberries for my 7 AM, I got less than 48 for the day.  Again.  Sigh.

I could justify it and tell you that I can see that eggface often has a shake first thing, and it doesn't seem to hurt her... but I think this really is something that I have to own myself, and so I am.

More steps on the journey away from codependency...

Sunday, July 3, 2011

3 weeks' change

I put these two pictures together and sent them to my primary care doc, so I thought I'd post them here.  The one in red is from the night before surgery.  The other one is from the night last week that V and I went out to dinner.   About 3 weeks between the pictures, folks...


It's time for BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!  A few questions we answer in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break.

My blogging brain must have needed a break because between blogger being mean earlier in the week and my life being busy/crazy, I haven't blogged since about Thursday... anyway I'm on day 4 of having the fitbit and we are proving just how sedentary my Sundays are. The other 3 days I racked up awesome numbers in the thousands of steps and today, its almost 3 PM and I have not yet hit 1000. Sigh. And I don't feel so great. My water intake isn't good either. I can tell that I will have to get up and go to the rec center soon, and get my butt in gear!

Anyway … on to BYOC.

1. Let's stick with the pictures/exercise and shoe topic and post a picture of (or describe) your work out shoes.

Ok... well for some reason I immediately wanted to post a picture of a pair of high heels I bought but can't even walk in yet.... 

I work out in a pair of New Balance sneakers that my doctor made me get after my horrifying foot injury and ankle surgery last year. They are great sneakers and I love them!

2. Again with the summer/hot theme of the week....what does your current swimsuit look like?
Bearing in mind that I am in my first month post surgery, I have a size 24 black one piece from Wal-mart that I should be able to fit into again now that I have lost 20 pounds...

3. Do you lay out, fake bake, sunless spray tan or use tanning lotion?
Nope. Haven't done any fake stuff since high school (and today we won't actually say how many dinosaurs were still alive when that happened). I tend to stay out of the sun these days – because I live at a much higher altitude than I was raised, and so I seem to burn much, much easier.

4. Describe your week in blogland and in real life.

In blogland, my blog posts would erase themselves or not post. Except after I posted Thursdays, then Tuesdays magically reappeared after Thursday. So I am actually writing this post offline and then I plan to cut and past it into blogger just in case.

In my life, things got easier. I worked a whole week of work, went to a lapband support group, and stopped needing to take Tylenol all the time. I transitioned to solid food and starting timing when to have my water. I changed food logging websites (again!) in preparation for getting a fitbit, researched madly to make sure I wanted one, and went out and got one for myself.

And I actually WENT to the rec center instead of talking about it, which was amazing, and because I did so, the universe gave me a gift. The first day I wore my fitbit, when I got to the end of the work day I was about 7000 steps (and of course they want you to try for 10000). So honestly, if you can believe this (because I don't usually exercise in the evening), I got in my car, and went to the rec center, paid for my resident ID ($5) , and walked the track. So then I went back to the desk to check out, and was going to buy a 20 visit pass ($64) . I figured at the end of 20 visits I would know if I should buy a 6 month pass ($175). So the woman at the front desk tells me that today (it was July 1st) they are offered pro-rated summer memberships and that as an adult resident I could have July and August for $54, which was $10 less than I was going to pay for the 20 visit pass (and if I go every day, that's 60 visits... ) So I have a summer membership!

It was pretty exciting. I have to go again today. And they are even open for a little while on the 4th.

So that was cool. Oh and I have lost 20 pounds now, which is rockin awesome. In just about a month since my weigh in at the doc was about a week before my surgery.

It's been a pretty amazing week, actually. 

ok, off to get ready for the rec center !  (And now no one who knows me will believe its me in here... )

Friday, July 1, 2011


What a week!  I'm looking forward to BYOC from Drazil.  I'm looking forward to a 3 day weekend.   My boss will be off on Tuesday so that day could be a little wild, but I can prepare for it.

It's been a great week, I've been changing fast.  New ideas, new realizations.  It's all good.  Never would have thought I would (a) spend the money on myself for a fitbit and (b) be so excited about it. Pre-surgery, my intention was to buy a Kindle and a new desktop machine.  Now I've got the fitbit, and I'm looking at either an android or an iPhone so I can track my food more easily.  LOL. 

Oh I joined Facebook, please friend me as Miri Bandy.  Also I'm on Twitter as MiriBanded if you'd like to connect that way. 

I'm working on being more active, and getting all my water in.  Since I went to solids and now have to wait with the liquids it got harder!  However, since I keep waking up so early I thought I would start by drinking 24 oz today before I need to have my 7 AM breakfast.  It's 6:38 AM now and I'm almost through it. 

I wore the fitbit while I slept last night, set on sensitive. I'm going to try normal tonight... I had a very restless night.  My little buddy reported this:
  • You went to bed at 9:19PM
  • Time to fall asleep 21min
  • Times awakened 10
  • You were in bed for 7hrs 45min
  • Actual sleep time 4hrs 43min

Even though my night was so restless, I was surprised that it said I was up for a whole hour at 2 AM.  So we'll see.   

Have a great day everyone!! 

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Tuesday Morning

I did it! - Got through Monday and then went to the support group for bandsters.  There were just a few folks there.  I had a good time, but walked away with the feeling that I had talked too much.  Also it seems strange to me that people don't know things.  I don't think any of those women would know the internet if it bit her.  I know, intellect snob.  But I work better, my life works better, if I know and understand things. 

However, it has become clear that the dietician is against caffeine, period.  I will have to think about this, because my surgeon said I'd be able to have it once I was well enough to work out. He even specifically said coffee.

Anyway - I'm exhausted this morning.  But in a good way.  I think I slept all the way through the night, till about 4:45.  We're talking about a gal who often waken 5-6 times in a night.  I think my brain is just stunned from the sleep.   I want to crawl back into my bed and sleep more!  Yet another benefit from the band, actual sleep! 

I have packed all my tiny soft meals into my lunch bag and am starting to get ready for work.  Another day or two and I can move on to solids, yay!   I'm looking forward to using my bento box again.  I think its great that I have the same one as eggface, that's pretty wild.
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Loong Week, but a good one

I've worked all week.  So glad tomorrow is Friday!!  Great things happened this week - I moved on to solid foods, ate at a restaurant, got a fitbit... All amazing things. 

My sweet little fitbit is charging.  I got it tonight.  I am so happy, I've been dying for one since I read about them (probably a whole week ago, LOL).  I really need something for both activity and sleep monitoring, so this should do it for me.  I'm going to wear it to bed tonight.  Since I often toss and turn all night, seeing every hour on the clock, this could be interesting.  Of course one day this week I slept through the night for the second time this year, so that was exciting.  I slept from about 10:30 to almost 4:30.  When I woke up I felt drugged with sleep.   And boy did I have to pee!  LOL.  Anyway, I'm excited to have the fitbit because I'm hoping that both the exercise feedback and the sleep feedback will start me improving in both areas. 

Today I had another great NSV - I wore my shirt tucked in!  A pair of pants that isn't a knit pair - but more of a cottony pair, with a fly and all that.  So my stomach didn't look like a mountain, and I didn't feel the need to pull a big shirt over it.  Also - it was the shirt that I bought back in May that wouldn't button.  Total win.

I tried to blog last night about my date with V - we went out to the Texas Roadhouse and I ate in a restaurant for the first time since before the surgery.  It was nerve-wracking at times, but it all went well.  I ate a little lightly for fear of barfing!  Anyway, Blogger wouldn't play nice.  I got V to take some pics of me in the parking lot.

Blogger is still not liking pictures, I may try it from the Picasa side of things in a moment. 



This is a test post since Blogger has been so mean to me the past few days.  I'm having a good week and I'd love to tell you all about it, but I haven't successfully saved not published a single post in several days.

Monday, June 27, 2011

I miss caffeine

Is it really Monday morning?  Wow, I DO miss my caffeine.  The dietician said I couldn't have any yet, that it would irritate my poor tummy.  So I'm a good girl, drinking decaf British breakfast tea.  Wah!

I'm about to face my first full week back post surgically and I'm hoping to have more energy today.  The support group at Rose Medical is tonight and I would love to go!  That's a goal, and we'll have to see.  I reserve the right to come home and go to sleep instead....

This weekend I slept all Saturday - watched TV in the morning, and in the afternoon I gave up the pretense of alertness and took an actual nap. 

Oh well, I'm off to pack my food bag so I don't have an awful day.  I'm including portable food for the 7 PM meal in case I can manage this support group...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Off to Therapy....

I am lucky to have found a therapist who works weekends.  And she has walked with many patients on the lap band journey so I am looking forward to seeing how this will go.   Today will be my first session since before the surgery.   So, of course, I'm trying to decide what to wear.  LOL.  I +am+ a girl, even if I don't have long nails and don't (yet) wear heels...

We had a lovely evening last night.  V came over and we had a shopping/cooking date - we went and picked out lovely fish to have for dinner, and then came home and cooked it.  And then we watched an episode of Bones.  Our TV watching involves watching on DVD, shows that are several years behind other people.  Sometimes I have watched further ahead, but the family rule is that no spoilers are given to Vince to spoil his watching.   (We recently finished watching Buffy and Angel all in order).  It kind of dates back to when I first separated from  Chris.  There would be weeks where he would have the kids and I would come home to an empty apartment.  For the first time in 18 years I had the remote.  I didn't even know how to WORK the remote.  So then, I got to ask myself what would I actually like to watch?   That's when I got my Netflix account, because what I wanted to watch back then (geek alert) was Babylon 5, from the beginning, in order.  I had never got to do that.   Then I started watching other shows too.  And now, of course, I suggest things to Vince that he might not otherwise think of watching.  We are in the middle of Bones (season 3) and the 4400 (season 2).  Anyway it was the first time we'd sat and watched some TV, really, since my surgery.  I kept being too tired or too out of it.

It was a feeling or a return to normalcy, last night, to cook and eat.   Except I got full and Vince finished my fish too.  It was an exquisite bit of flounder.  We got a big frozen package from our local warehouse store, mmmm.  He had some zucchini too, and some crackers since it turned out that we had no bread.  I guess I was the big bread eater because the kids hadn't bought any, how odd. 

Anyway, it was a lovely date.  Life is feeling more and more like normal, only better.  :)

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Feelings of Fullness

So yesterday afternoon I ate everything in my lunch bag that I had brought for work and still didn't really feel full.  I kept drinking water and wondering if it was a psych issue.   But I'm on soft foods still you know, the ones often referred to as sliders and so I eventually became convinced that they were indeed slip sliding away and not holding the full feeling at all.

When I got home I pulled out some of the roast pork I had slow cooked the other day, with the theory that it at least was the item I was allowed to eat that actually had the most heft to it, so to speak.  I weighed out my 2 ounces and sat down to chew, chew, chew.   I finished it and had a moment of panic as I realized I still felt hungry.  But I regained my calm and set my "kitchen timer" for about 25 minutes with the theory that the brain runs behind the stomach.  I turned on a TV show and set out to ignore the hunger feeling.   And sure enough, we got to about 15 minutes into the timer and I started feeling.... full, still a new sensation that I'm not sure I know what its supposed to feel like.   As the time went on I felt more full.  By the time the timer rang its little bell, I was stuffed.   And an hour or more later when I talked to V I was still stuffed.

The most amusing thing, of course, is that as I was lying down to go to sleep, I snagged my Blackberry and pulled up myfitnesspal, because I was thinking of all those things I ate trying to get full and OMG how many calories was that?  And its little status said, "You have 55 calories left today."  ...!!  Which of course means I was finally over 1200 for the first time since the surgery, but still.  We are talking about a gal who used to eat 3000 calories and still be hungry.   I slept better than I usually do, and I didn't wake up to eat in the night - just to turn off the A/C.

This is going to work.  

Friday, June 24, 2011


It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy!  We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! 
1.  What’s your favorite room in your house?
I would have to say my Master Bedroom Suite.  I have a walk in closet and a master bath in my bedroom.  Both for the first time in my life.  I love the rest of our apartment, don’t get me wrong, but I love having a master bedroom. 
2.  Picture question (or describe if you don't have a camera).  Show us a pic of your current favorite earrings!
They are purple and white and made of crystals and everyone loves them.

3.  What’s your dress code at work? If you stay at home and went back to work outside the home, what dress code would you prefer?
We get to wear jeans on Fridays and the rest of the time I would say we are business casual.  I’m Ok with that, we are a law firm but I don’t feel the need to wear a suit every day. 

4.  Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
This week – Monday was the day I was originally supposed to go back to work after the surgery but I didn’t come back till Thursday.  I got my blog set up and read a lot of blogs this week, which was cool and actually much more helpful than the discussion forums I had previously found.  I had my post-op nutrition class on Wednesday morning, and I got both the soft foods and solid foods instructions.  I am on soft foods until next Thursday. I’m still pretty tired from going back to work but I’m beginning to feel like my life is returning to me, only better.  
It was already worth the price of admission for the lapband surgery.  The asthma, GERD, joint pain, and blood sugar issues are all so much better.  My skin tone and energy are improved.  And I’ve lost weight and I feel good.
I so love blogging and I love reading people’s blogs.  I feel like I have a bunch of cool new friends.  I feel special (awww…. ). 


I applaud the wisdom of the universe, since my original plan had been to go back to work this past Monday.  Wow! 

I had a good day at work yesterday, but it was exhausting!  I had made dinner in the crock pot (a pork roast) and it was all I could do to come home, put it in plastic containers and label them, weigh out my 3 ounces (of which I could only eat 2), and go to bed after dinner...

I'm pretty sure that part of it was that I didn't get nearly enough water yesterday, so I am starting this morning with a bottle of water before anything. 

Other than that, it was a really good day.  Everyone was glad to see me and welcomed me back, my boss took the time to come down to my work area and talk to me about what's coming up (which I always wish he would do).  And it wasn't a crazy day, it was pretty calm as IT days go, so I had time to sit and work on catching up on my thousand emails....

Still I was SO glad to be going home.  Mid afternoon everything was hurting and I realized I'd let the tylenol wear totally off again.  I need to pay attention to that today and not do that. Luckily neither my boss nor the HR guy saw me limping around in the afternoon because the people who did could tell I was in pain...

I was in bed by about 8 PM last night.  And awake about 5 this morning, but that works.  I think I woke fewer times in the night.

I'm down yet another pound today.  This is so magical.  I have been trying for something like a year to get under 250 and stay there.  I was 246 this morning.  And I feel so good, even tired as I am, and not allowed to have any caffeine yet, my stomach isn't acidy, I'm not coughing, and I just FEEL better in some indescribable way.  I've decided that is the normalizing of my blood sugar. 

And my skin does look better.  Everyone had commented on how good my skin looked and I thought it was because of the new makeup.  But then V said he had noticed it the past few weeks that I've been staying home (and wasn't wearing any makeup) so I took a good look this morning and _dang!_ he is right.  I have that glow that when I was in OA I used to call the "abstinent glow" and I always thought it was from all the veggies.  Which can't be it because I'm not getting enough veggies.  I get full and then .... I'm working on it.  So I wonder if it is the absence of sugar?

More MAGIC!!!  I just tried on my largest pair of jeans - which hasn't fit me in at least 3 months.  I've got them on and am sitting in the chair (to test whether I should actually wear them to work) as I write.  OMG this is amazing.  I think it has been 6 months since I've worn jeans on a Friday.  Now I have to figure out what to wear with them. 

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Hi, ho, hi ho...

I'm back to work today.  I've been gone from work from the evening of June 6th.  That's an extremely long time.

My daughter and I got our signals crossed and after a month of leaving the house at about 6 AM for work she was up and showering at 6:30, so I'll be showering at 7 AM.  We both have to be to work at 9 AM today, how weird.

In a little over a week I should be going to the rec center in the mornings anyway....

I have the larger lunchbox - the one that just looks like a bag - full of containers of food.  To the point where I was worried about my lifting restriction, LOL.  I have Tylenol Blast, chewable tylenol, and my pill splitter.  I'm bringing the nebulizer even though I haven't needed it since the surgery (it's dusty at work and should also be an emotional day). 

I think I'm going to adopt (Last train out of Fatland) Maria's report and see how I do with it.
Wednesday's report:
1. 70 oz of water? 48
2. Minimal processed foods? yes
3. Grams of Protein? 66
4. 30 minutes of exercise? Yes, but all from walking around the hospital complex and a few other places.
5. One serving of fruit? Nope, unless you count a Greek Yogurt that had strawberries in it...
6. Food logging? Check!
7. Benefiber?  Check! 

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

... and the fish was good!

V and I cooked dinner the way we always used to on our dates - except fewer carbs.   But a lot of our dates have been cooking dinner and talking and tonight was the first time since the surgery that we got to do that.  We cooked Mahi Mahi, poached in some wine, flavored with soy sauce, sesame oil, and garlic.  Oh and lemon wedges.  We cooked green beans too but I only had about 3 bites of them.  (Tiny bandita bites).  We also cooked mushrooms with the fish and those were soft enough that I could have a few bites before I got full.  I am stuffed.

It was great to have a date night though.  And tomorrow, I go to work.  I have my food in small containers ready to go.  Also I am cooking pork in the slow cooker to have tomorrow night for dinner. 

Life is good...

Nutrition Class and saw the Nurse... and my doc too

So we had our nutrition class today and got our instructions for this week - softs - and next week - solids.  Then we all got to see the nurse, and in my case the doc too.

I'm not dying, but he wants me to go and see another doctor about  my liver.  I am forbidden to look up the diagnosis on the internet so I am not even looking at the paper.  My doc swears all will be well.  I am trusting him. And, yay, the doc he wants me to see is in network (ie, fully covered now that we've hit the deductible!)  so that is all good....

I can swim in a week, but no massages till 6 weeks out.  And I have a note for going back to work.  Tomorrow.  And I've faxed it to HR and FMLA so as they say, "my fate is sealed".

V and I are going to cook fish for dinner, yay!! And I'm going to do a quick run to the grocery store and then get a blood test (more of this thing that I'm not worrying about) - and then I may get a haircut, we'll see.

If I were seriously ill he wouldn't be letting me go back to work.  Meantime, I'm wearing a pair of pants that didn't fit me 3 weeks ago, my breathing is great, and my friends at work will be happy to see me.   Life is good.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Even though tomorrow is actually most likely my last day home from work, today feels like it is.  Tomorrow I will be getting up at 0 dark thirty to get to my mandatory nutrition class down at Rose Medical at 8 ack emma.   Two hours of diet instruction and then an appointment to see the nurse practitioner in my surgeon's office.  I've been looking forward to this.

No lie, actually, we were supposed to have this class last week but they were all out of town at a bariatric conference so my group of bandees didn't get their class last week.  We are 2 weeks out.  So it will be interesting to see who is eating what.  Of course this means I've had an extra week to be home, read other people's blogs, get on lap band forums, and notice just how many different diet programs there actually are, my goodness!   It will be interesting to see what my dietician, who teaches this class, will actually tell us.   And how I will feel about it when she tells us.

I have a ton of paperwork from my doctor's office.  It's in a ring binder, actually, plus a bunch more they gave me when they discharged me.  Interestingly, the instructions seem to contradict each other, so I wound up staying on blended foods even though I had originally thought I was supposed to start having soft foods a few days ago because, let's face it, the blended food won't hurt anything and I'm a big ol scaredy cat.

My office wouldn't let me come back to work without seeing the doctor and getting a note saying I'm OK to be back.  Besides, I need my lifting restriction in writing since I'm a computer tech and otherwise move computer equipment and the like on a daily basis.  I work for a law firm so you can bet everything is by the book.  My medical leave is approved by FMLA and covers me till the end of July, which means if the nurse thinks I shouldn't go back yet, I won't be in danger of losing my job.  But frankly I think I am ready.  Today I feel even better than I have in the previous days. And anyway I've run through all my sick leave and these extra days out are EATING UP MY VACATION, darn it! 

So, diet and exercise:

I'm pretty sure the diet restrictions are something like: no junky carbs and no white carbs, keep your protein up, drink your water.  And then I just need to know, when do I go to soft foods and how long do I stay there?  I'm tracking my foods on "My Fitness Pal", the dorkiest named site.  However, they let me add 3 more mealtimes and rename them all to what I want them to say, which is the time I'm supposed to eat them.  So I have 6 mealtimes named 7 AM, 10 AM, 1 PM, 4 PM, 7 PM, and 10 PM.  And all of the mealtimes show up on the Blackberry App (Spark People would let me add extra meals but they were invisible on the BB App, which is so totally useless OMG).  

I already know I can't swim for about another week.  My swim suit fits again now that I'm down to 250 though, so that will be good.  And since TOM is visiting I wouldn't have wanted to start this week anyway.  This means, however, that I actually have to GO to the rec center and sign up.  I have everything else except that, though, goggles and a cap and a lock and a duffle bag, and even a black one piece from Wal-Mart in the largest size they have, which pre-surgery I could almost get on my poor ol  bod.

I have to find out about massages because my back is killing me, I have a massage envy membership with like, a million unused credits on it, and when I called them they said to ask my doctor when it was ok.  Maybe I'll get a note about that too, they are another group of sticklers.  I can't wait to get a massage again.  I know, it's funny because I'm self conscious about how heavy I am, but I always make sure to shower before I go and it's their job, anyway.  I always have great massage therapists who are respectful of my body, and anyway they drape you so only the muscle group they are working is visible to them.  If you haven't tried it I highly recommend it.

OK, I admit it.  I'm babbling because I'm nervous.  Tomorrow I get officially weighed, I see someone who is going to look at my incisions and tell me if my discomfort is normal, and who is most likely going to send me back to my old life.  And for several weeks now I've been home, haven't had to wear a bra, and been able to just obsess about what I am eating and if I'd had enough water to drink.  She's going to want me to go back to my crazy busy life.   And of course she's a bandster herself.

Part of me is afraid she's going to think my discomfort isn't normal, and send me for nasty medical tests.  And then of course there's the whole liver biopsy, which my surgeon did because he said my liver looked mottled.  Of course by now if I were dying I'd think someone would have called me. But my inner hypochondriac isn't buying that one.   The little internal drama queen is insisting that they will tell me in person, and that the entire office has known that I'm a walking dead woman for a week while I don't know yet.   Sigh.

Honestly.   Sometimes I just would like a vacation from my inner life.

V is coming over late tonight to sleep here and go to my nutrition class with me.  Which is really good, because I confess that the idea of driving I25 to 270 at 7:15 AM with no coffee in me is not high on my list of things I want to do for myself.  Also he will hear what my dietician says we should be doing.   Because he likes to come over and cook!  So he will know more about what we need to do.   And because, well, he's just an amazing guy and I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

And actually I miss the really wicked awesome people that I work with, and I would like my life back.  So this is all a good thing... 

Monday, June 20, 2011


I weighed myself this morning and found that the scale has jumped - the wrong way.  It's funny, because if you are not built to be a daily weigher this is the kind of thing that really frosts you.  For me, I'm ever so glad to not be weighing only on Mondays because I would have missed the last few days' sojourn into the 240s!

TOM is here, started last night, and so I am not really surprised at the bloat.  And it does explain the appetite jump yesterday.   I'm still on blended foods, but I went to the store and got some more flavorful soups and diet pudding and things.

Today is the day I would have been going to work on the original surgical plan.  I'm actually so grateful that it is a few more days away.  My surgeon has been away at a conference and HR won't let me back without a note from him.  I'm going to call today and make sure he's seeing me on Wednesday after the Mandatory Nutrition Class, <g>.  So Thursday will probably be my day back to work.

I'm amazed at how tiring the surgery has been.  I guess this is the difference of waiting till you are 50 to have it done, ladies and germs.  The younger women having surgery the same day as me were feeling better and going out the door, and I wound up staying over night.

Speaking of pain management, I think some Tylenol is called for this morning.  My abs still feel like someone was dancing on them...


Later, same day - well that was the only Tylenol I took all day and I do feel a difference, but its also good to know that I CAN do without them if I need to.  I've been more tired and achey, but that's to be expected.  I'm sure I'll take some when I have to go back to work.

Anyway, its been a slow day.  I didn't go and do any errands, I just now (6 pm) went and did a ten minute walk around the grounds.  The wind was picking up and all over the apartment complex, people were going inside.  So I didn't stay out for much.

I feel sleepy and hungry today.  Still craving mashed potatoes.  Potatoes are not on the OK list from my doc - nothing white is - so I am about to cook some frozen orange squash in the hopes that the texture will ease the craving.