Saturday, July 16, 2011

Where I have been - what's happenin'!

I really need my fill.  Wednesday, I just have to make it to Wednesday.   I'm watching my calories, experiencing bandster hell, PMS, and broken air conditioning together.  

I'm doing OK - I have gone to work all week so I have been comfortable in the middle of the day.  Of course now it is the weekend, and they have decided that our apartment AC is dead and have ordered a replacement unit.  However, no one is getting back to me with an ETA.  I'm really not currently impressed with this building management team.  I feel that this second year, they have been lacking in caring and follow through.

And of course PMS... I'm in perimenopause and so the cycle is a little erratic.  I theoretically should be OTR any day now, but these days who knows... I have been tracking my cycle on line for about 7 years.  It is erratic now.  For sure.  But I notice I'm a bit...crabby, and craving chocolate protein bars and things more.  I'm dealing with it.  I'm also really tired and not sleeping well.  Sigh.

I'm not staying full as long, so I'm working with that.  More water!  Oh I should go fill my bottle again.  I'm having more fiber and adding more veggies and fruits where I can to have more bulk with less calories but its not a fun feeling. 

On the positive side, my Quest bars arrived in the mail (I had made my own sample pack by ordering individual bars of the flavors I wanted top try).  I have tried vanilla and chocolate.  They taste good and also pack quite a wallop of fiber!  They are sticky and sweet - probably not something V would enjoy, but I'm a sweets person.

I took V out as part of his birthday month celebration last night.  We went to dinner at Chey Thuy, a place we used to go when our lives were more Boulder-based.  I brought a padded lunch bag, plastic containers, and a bunch of blue ice, and I have some leftovers, which I'm having for lunch today.  We ordered only 2 appetizers, that was our dinner.  One of them was a plate of mussels (V's favorite - he ate them all, I had a taste of one) and an order of grilled lamb that comes with rice noodles and fresh veggies.  Today's lunch for me will be some grilled lamb and probably cucumbers.  After dinner, we went to a Planetarium show over at Fiske.  Fiske Planetarium is on the CU Boulder campus, and the talks are given by grad students and sometimes professors for the most part.  We went to an hour about black holes, and it was pretty good.

The other thing that has been going on this week is that my liver biopsy came back, and it wasn't the best result I could have hoped for.  I haven't wanted to talk about it.  I saw the specialist on Tuesday, and then I had a battery of tests and never made it back to work that afternoon at all.   My impression is that the liver specialist finds it confusing that I am so healthy when the biopsy result should belong to a much sicker person.  My surgeon recommended him as one of the best around, so its not that he isn't on top of liver ailments or anything, this guy is good.   Anyway - so we are running a bunch of tests, and as long as they still show the healthy person I am, then they will get a second opinion on the biopsy.  Which doesn't involve more surgery, they have tissue left from the biopsy that was done with my banding.  They will fedex it to a different lab - one my specialist considers a "better" lab, and they will re do the test. I feel as though its going to be fine, and then I have other moments when I'm just scared. 

There's a lot else that has been occurring - last weekend, I got caught driving in a hail storm and my car and I got swamped in an enormous puddle.  I didn't know if I was going to make it through.  Then on Sunday my therapist was ill - I've been seeing her, both for my lapband journey and because of some post traumatic stress over weather driving.  So all week I've had a little trouble driving again.  Tomorrow, I should be having an EMDR session with her about what happened, and then I will feel better.  

All sorts of emotions are coming up from the past for me.  I couldn't do last week's BYOC because the questions triggered some old emotional scars and it would have been a bitter venting of stuff that I hardly ever think about.  I haven't looked at yesterday's yet - I went over to Draz's blog to see how she was doing and read about her worries about Rambo.  And then of course I felt like all my complaints were so petty!  But this morning I woke up and remembered that its not a comparison.  My journey is my journey.  And I need to blog about it, blogging is a wonderful thing for me to do.   When I have blogged, I can release it and go on with my life.  

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